Do You Deserve the Green Beer?

stpattyI don’t.

Simple as that.

I did a quick search because I was going to cheat and just link to two different blogs, but apparently I never wrote the one I “thought” I wrote. So here’s a quick story…the abbreviated version.

Tomorrow’s my birthday. Forty-some years ago, a lovely woman went into labor. She was rushed off to the hospital by four men who had been drinking and playing poker to celebrate St. Patty’s… and they took the liquor and cards with them. As they continued to play in the waiting room—because in those days the fathers weren’t allowed to see the secrets of life—the lovely woman pushed and strained and hallucinated and waited with jagged breaths for her twin boys to be born.

Yes, you read that correctly. Twin boys.

Apparently my heartbeat was strong enough to echo. And in the days when ultrasounds were saved for important occasions, several doctors made a wrong assumption and told the lovely woman she was carrying two boys. I wore a lot of blue the first year. I still have the baby bracelets with the boy names on them, tucked away in my baby box.

But I got ahead of myself there… As the sun began to peek over the horizon, I finally broke free. Kicking and screaming, I entered the world… without a penis. Without a twin. I imagine the ensuing conversation included, “Well hell, what are we going to name her?”and I know it ended with, “It’s the day after St. Patty’s. We’re Irish. We’ll name her Kellie!”**

Except, as I learned many years later, I’m not Irish. Read the link to understand that.

So, no. I do not deserve the green beer. Nor do I want it, really. I’ve never liked it. It tastes funny. I’ve heard too many stories about the color exiting your body through normal functions. And I can only imagine how colorful the vomit around the globe will be tonight.

To the Irish out there, drink up! To the non-Irish like me, feel free, but know and understand that they’ve been doing it longer and better. They’re pros and they laugh at the amateurs that participate when the ale is green and the beads are free.

And since it’s a Thursday, let’s revive Garage Talk for 2011… Are you Irish? And whether you are or not, what fun things are hiding in your lineage? Gypsies? Pirates? Whatcha got?!

Read the Not Irish blogged I linked to to find my answer =)

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