Evil Plans

scr-weight-loss-diet-supplementsI’ve come up with the best diet EVAH!! I swear! I promise! Hell, if I had snake oil, I’d give ya some of that for FREE!

Really?

Yes!

Because the planet is full of people looking for that easy way out. And because I’m sick to DEATH of hearing advertisements for this diet and that diet, and know that 99.99% of them don’t work… but their creator’s are getting rich from all the people willing to try it.

So I’m here to tell you the greatest diet plan EVAH. You don’t have to exercise or eat right. It doesn’t include surgery. And I guarantee results. That’s right. Guarantee. And the best part? It’s only $1.00.  Of course, my evil business partner has a $400 pill that you’ll want eventually, but we’ll get to that. For now, just think $1.00 and no exercise!!

How’s it work? Simple! Just swallow one little pill,  sit back and wait—or is that weight? hehe… Inside that capsule is a tiny little tape worm that will find a happy home inside your guts. As it grows, you shrink. Voila! It’s like magic.

Now about that other pill. When you’re done losing weight, you simply purchase the other pill, conveniently priced below the cost of a doctor visit and the procedures you could optionally use. Swallow pill and voila, tape worm dead. Diet over. And now you fit in that dress!

Isn’t that brilliant?

Whaddya mean “no”? It’s no different than what’s on the market. Well except it comes with a parasite. And I’m being honest, which is more than what the rest of them do. Of course, it’s dangerous. But…

Fine. It’s not brilliant. But it sounds like something we’re going to hear in the not-to-far future the way the commercials are getting. And when it happens I’ll be able to point back to this blog and know I said it first.

So… pre-orders are open. Who wants a $1.00 pill before they go swimsuit shopping?

0 Responses to Evil Plans

  • wolfnoma says:

    Can we buy them and give them to people we don’t like?

    Good one Kelli!

  • phyllis says:

    heheheh… I have lost about 20 pounds since March. I was wondering how the hell it was happening, but apparently I got a free tapeworm! Perhaps it is a trial offer? LMAO

  • Della says:

    Tapeworm and Tapeworm Egg pills DO exist and are sold for the purpose of dieting… although I think it is far from FDA approved, safe and/or healthy.

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