Look @meteornotes — a shark!

And now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s pretend there isn’t a naked girl swimming above said shark and instead look at all that blue stuff around them. Yes, water. I’m writing a blog about water.

Seems strange, I know, but hang with me here…

For those that don’t know, I’m a water snob. It came from years of horrible city water at home and being the sober one at cons. Bottled water, when it was too freaking cold to go to the spring and just bottle my own, became vital to me. And as there are four million eight hundred thousand and seventy-two brands, I tried them all. And became a snob.

For years all I would touch was Dasani. The minerals they add made it taste very similar to the lovely natural spring water available at spout stations all over the town I lived in. Lately, I’ve been exercising again, and sucking down the water again. And for whatever reason, I’ve decided to branch out and try some new things.

Some of you may have read about my experience with Sparkling Death. That was fun (quick go read that if you missed it).

Last week I found some evil crap with a cool bottle—damn you, Bob Ford, I’m buying for packaging now! Oddly, there were no flavors on the flavored bottle, only what it would do for you. This one will help you sleep, this one will help you think, this was makes you bigger, this one makes you smaller… I went with the cool lime green one for energy, believing it would be lemon-lime. NOT. It tasted exactly like Coppertone. Exactly. Ask Bob, he tried it while I made a very convincing “it’s ok” face and then giggled because he wanted to beat me for the horrible taste. Fail. The next day I tried the white one for stress relief, because I wanted to give them another shot and if green was coconut then maybe white would be strawberry. NOT. This one tasted exactly like Alka-Seltzer. Not exaggerating. Not joking. Not even a little bit. Alka-freaking-seltzer. Even the kids and cats wouldn’t drink it. And that’s saying something.

The other day, playing along with my experimentation of new waters and being the art guy he is, Bob found one with a cool package… that was good! Called Blk. It is water with minerals, specifically Fulvic trace minerals. I don’t know if he got it for the packaging or because he could giggle and say “fulvic” for the next hour. But it IS black and you expect it to taste like… something. I don’t know, maybe volcanic ash? I mean, after the Coppertone and Alka-Seltzer we were prepared for it to suck. It didn’t. It tasted just like… wait for it… water. Good water. Cold, clean, crisp. No flavors, no tang, no fizz, no bullshit. YEAH. Although, the black really kinda messes with your head—like when you’re thinking orange juice and drink milk. But seriously, two points to the marketing guys: “The dark side of water.”

Soooo… since the body is 60% water and it’s good for us and we’re supposed to drink approximately a small pond worth a day, you should all be drinking water. And it’s Thursday. Oh come on, you saw that coming… Do you drink water? Enough? Tap or bottled? Spring, energy, flavored, what? Tell me what kind of fun bottled waters you all drink out there… partly because I’m interested to know who else is a snob. But mostly because it’ll give me more to try after tonight’s jog through the neighborhood.

6 Responses to H20

  • phyllis says:

    Yes, I am a water snob. I’m an old school water snob… I prefer Evian…. really, I do. But a majority of the time I drink water from our Brita pitcher. I use that water to make juice and coffee and cook with simply because our water sucks here. If I have to take apart my sink every six months to clean it out so my water pressure stays consistent (dirt and rocks clog it up from them repairing water main breaks all the time) then I certainly don’t want to drink it unless it is filtered. I don’t drink enough water in the winter, but I do drink plenty in the warmer months.

  • Alyn says:

    I like Voss (http://www.vosswater.com/) because it’s water that doesn’t taste like eleventy hundred other things, I get a discount on it, and it comes in a way cool glass bottle.

  • Katie Winter says:

    I am very opposite when it comes to water. I love tap water. I could care less the brand or no brand, until I moved to Indiana. I continued drinking tap out there and it contributed to giving major migraines. I was sick for almost a week. I now only drink bottled until I get a water filter. Wes is a snob and will only drink Nestle’s.

  • Lu says:

    I have awesome tap water. When I’m somewhere that doesn’t have awesome tap water I drink cheap bottled. I’m a coffee snob, not a water snob. :-)

  • MichelleR says:

    I have water guilt. Even though we recycle, I live in fear of even one of the bottles ending up in a landfill, and being the straw that breaks the planet’s back. So, we have a filter on our sink, which people tell me is not sufficient.

  • Kelli says:

    … this blog entry officially moved to the new site. to leave further comments, please do it there: http://kelliowen.com/?p=374

Find Me Elsewhere
Get Blog Updates

— · Rosie's Bookapalooza · —
October 5, 2019
Johnstown, PA

— · Merrimack Valley · —
Halloween Book Festival
October 12, 2019
Haverhill, MA

— · 2nd and Charles · —
Horror Writers' Panel
October 26, 2019
Harrisburg, PA

— · Read and Scream · —
Chester County Library
November 2, 2019
Exton, PA