Just No

anti-bucketThis is not a bucket list. Oh, I have one of those. I believe I’ve even given you a peek into it at some point. There’s lot of fun things in there, and I will absolutely do every single one of them. But these items? No, just no. This is not that. This is the anti-bucket list. This is the list of things that I will never do. Not willingly. Not consciously. Not ever.

1. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Parachutes are only for emergencies, and even then I may need convincing.

2. Tie a giant rubber band to my ankle and leap from anything taller than a chair. Um, no. The idea of the ground rushing up to meet my face and just when I’m certain I’m going to die by pushing my teeth through my skull and crushing every bone in my body I spring back into the air and do it again? I’ll pass.

3. Swim with sharks. Not going to happen. No suit. No cage. No way. I saw that movie, it didn’t end well. And those cages? That’s just a happy meal box to them and I’m no french fry!

4. Rock climbing. I don’t mean a boulder at the beach. I mean a freaking mountain and me hanging off the sheer side of it with nothing but a rope and little metal hook in a nook to hold me there. The opening of Mission Impossible? Not unless I get to do it like he did… on a sound stage with a blue screen.

5. Vacation somewhere cold. Yes, I’ve been to 48 of the 50 states. Yes, I’ll go to 49 eventually. But that 50th? Forget it. Don’t need it. I grew up where it’s actually colder than parts of Alaska but I’m not interested in seeing the parts that are just barely warmer. The ratio of men to women is insane you say? Nope, still not interested. There are a million beaches to choose from, why the hell would I chose snowshoes when I can be barefoot in the sand?

I bet you have a list like this, as well. You may not think of it on a regular basis, but it’s there. Perhaps you’re only reminded of it when you see someone doing one of them and think, “oh that’s nice not ever gonna happen!” (Much like the moment which spurred this blog post.) So, play along why don’t you? I’ve been off the grid for a while. I’m not necessarily back—tax season, too many writing deadlines, and well, do I need other reasons with those two? So please… feel free to play along and tell me what’s on your anti-bucket list!

Thoughts? Tell me what you think...

Subscribe for Updates

Archives