Madagascan Sapphires




Because shouting numbers at the television, while we pick on GemTV, is how my family ends the Thanksgiving weekend. It wasn’t bad enough that we changed yahtzee into Drunk Nahtzee. It wasn’t out of our realm of silly when we were playing the Defect game. We needed another on-the-spot game that pokes at others for our amusement. I come by snark and silliness naturally… even though I’m not Italian [and trust me, if you didn’t read that blog, you’re going to want to catch up!]

We never discussed what we were thankful for. We never expressed our joy or relief at what we have, in an attempt to momentarily forget what we don’t. Not because we weren’t/aren’t thankful, but because we tend to express gratitude for each other and health and whatever, even when there isn’t turkey—so we don’t feel pressured to do so on Thanksgiving.  No, we went on like it was any other weekend. And again, these people forget that I’m serious when I say, “I’m blogging that.”

The moist game


Which decorated house expresses Jesus’ message the best? The flashing one!

“We’re sacks of goo walking around… and talking!”

1, 2, 3, 15, 18. Thank you, public schools!

Slurring the word “slur”

Predictive Text

“Girls, stop playing with your pickles.” [Pickle core samples]

Chin dimples

“I really want a golden upgrade in my mouth”

Winnie the Pooh

Sue Johansen

Zombie Strippers

and let’s not forget… “Wow, the hot guy on the Disaronno commercial was right!”

Because yes, the stupid commercial with the bartender came on. He suggested Disaronno on the rocks with ginger ale and my sister and I looked and each other and jumped up from the couch. We had Disaronno, she bought it last time we were all here and left it in the liquor cabinet. And as luck would have it, we had ginger ale for whatever reason for Thanksgiving. “Let’s try it!” Turns out, it’s damn good. I don’t know that I’ve ever had amaretto before, but it smells like cherries and tastes like heaven on the rocks. This quickly turned into a “ginger ale run” because we had plenty of booze but not enough wash. Upon returning, the adults had Disaronno/ginger ale and the kids made fake strawberry margaritas and we played Nahtzee until my brother found his happy place and my sister threatened to hide the booze.

I’ve lost 24 pounds since Halloween. I’m not on a diet, other than stress, but I’m noticing it in my clothes. It’s important to note that no one in the family is currently dieting, yet we all played the Defect Game. I tell you about this because every household should enjoy this pastime. While cooking any type of large family gathering type meal, when you steal from the trays before it’s officially declared ready, you must announce that you’re just making it look nicer by exclaiming, “Defect!” You should also give your Nana all the broken cookies, because broken cookies have no calories. It’s amazing the amount of defective food and broken cookies there are during the holidays…

And after dinner, usually, you have dessert at large family gatherings. Of course, in my mother’s house, we often have it first because “life is short—eat dessert first!” [usually followed by someone throwing a Hershey Kiss at someone else’s forehead]. This weekend however, we found out that we are all a little crazy, er, I mean anal. A bowl of dumdum suckers on the table turned into a “how do you organize your candy before you eat it” conversation. My sister arranged the various flavors of dumdums, then I rearranged them. Mom agreed with my arrangement. We found out that some of us eat only one color [say, M&Ms or Skittles] at a time, while others must have one of each in each mouthful. However you catagorize, catalogue and color it, it all breaks down to the fact that we take the time to organize them! We’re laughing and discussing this, and at the end of the table my father sits and smokes and stares at us. When we noticed his silence and all turned to him, he responded by looking at each of us and then my mother, “Yeah. None of that comes from my side. They’re your children.” It’s cute when dad tries to deny his own insanity by blaming one part of ours on mom!

Thanksgiving in crazyworld comes with skittles and pickles and cheap knock-off jewelry. But like every weekend at mom and dad’s, it’s all coated with laughter and love, and that is what I liked most about turkey day… Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to hit the grocery store for cranberries—they’re not just for November, you know.

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