Simple Pleasures

Two adult, two kids each, under one roof equals a house where the dishwasher and wash machine never rest, the grocery store and electric company send you thank you cards, and quiet is that elusive noise you remember as being somewhat calming and enjoyable. Toss in the fact that the adults are both horror writers and twisted pranks is the natural order of things…

Meet Jake. Jake is a plastic Halloween spider that was accidentally left out one year. My girlchild [16] and boychild [13] have been torturing each other with Jake for several years. He’s been put in sock drawers and left on pillows. He’s been strategically placed in windows and shoes to look real. He’s been in the fridge and he’s made appearances where you least expect. And let me tell you, if you dare forget about Jake and see him in the dark, he looks real… and your heart skips a beat.

But now the teens have shorter children sharing their space. Children they’ve been instructed to watch their language and music around. They all get along and enjoy torturing the Hippie, which is fun to watch. But these smaller kids aren’t up on all the games and tricks and evil that my children have grown up thinking is normal. I thought these kids were young and innocent and hadn’t been warped by their horror writing father. I thought wrong.

This morning, I found Jake. One eye open, no glasses yet, no coffee yet, barely able to walk, as I headed to the bathroom… and found Jake on the toilet seat. He didn’t get me this time. Instead I giggled and picked him up. I walked out to the living room and looked at the guilty parties—but my children were no where to be seen. Had they placed him there when they went to bed the night before? Hmmm…

“Who put Jake on the toilet?”

A grin. An evil, twisted, proud of himself, little grin spread across the face of the shortest possible choice. He was proud of himself. He was a little version of his evil father. And he had played the game well.

This morning I learned that at nine and six they are no more innocent than my own. And I’m kinda proud of that. I’m a little demented and therefore amused that they’re going to be able to torture the bigger kids… they need it! When I told the Hippie what his sweet, adorable boychild had done, my idea of innocence was shattered.

“Why are you surprised by this?”

He’s short and cute… and innocent.

“Are you insane?! Don’t you know that baby rattlers are more dangerous than the adults?”

Hmmm… I’m delighted to hear this, to learn this. New avenues have opened up and my children’s idea of normal is intact. Life’s simple pleasures still include bubbles and water fights and the sound of children laughing… and the gasp you hear when a prank succeeds. Someone should probably warn the little guy. Now that I know he’s as sick and twisted as the rest… Game on!

[Note: I keep meeting people that tell me they read this, they enjoy this, and yet none of them are posting. Hellooooo out there. If you like a blog, say so. If you hate one, say so. I’m all about the feedback… helps keep me on my toes and lets me know what you like, hate and want to punch me for. So say something!]

0 Responses to Simple Pleasures

  • Postpostpostpostpost.

    (Hi, Jake!)

  • Kevin Lucia says:

    Well, we haven’t progressed to the prank stage yet over here, but I’m there with you on the life’s simple pleasures, and it’s also amazing how those simple pleasures act as a reality check as we all try to make a dent in the writing world – like when my son interrupts me writing by crawling under the table to play with my shoe laces, (which he’s doing right now), or grab my hand and drag me to the couch because he wants company while watching Blue’s Clue’s – it’s these things that remind me that writing is only a slice of life’s larger “pie”.

    Did I just use that metaphor? Yikes.

  • Ron says:

    Having met both of the Hippie’s offspring, I can’t say I’m exactly surprised by this turn of events either. I seem to recall having to take cover behind a post in order to escape the water cannon spray from the young girl child, who was being egged on by a short, spunky thriller/horror author with opinions…

  • Amy says:

    Don’t let those pranksters near my little ones! Mine are still sweet and innocent. Although, I’m sure it won’t be long before the bald one influences them in one way or another!

  • Kelli says:

    Amy… you’re screwed. Sorry. And it’s not the influence of the little ones you need to worry about… go ask the kids about the new joke Auntie Kelli told them =))

  • Steve Lukac says:

    Those purple, rubber fishing worms can also be used to great effect.

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