Six Days: How to pimp your soul

I abhor blogs, posts, tweets and other savvy new methods for pimping… when all they say it “buy my book!”

Bah… you should say more than that. It should be entertaining. It shouldn’t waste breath, air and time. It should be fun… Welcome to selling your soul pimping your novel, gypsy style!

Step One – Give the information: I invite you to click right here, it will open a new window with the ad flyer for Maelstrom’s ribbon-cutting line up.

Step Two – Be prepared for the lazy: Those that didn’t click above (that’s right, I’m looking at you…), missed the following information:

  • Maelstrom = new line of Thunderstorm Books. Have you seen a Thunderstorm creation? They’re gorgeous! A collector’s delight combined with a reader’s desire.
  • Will offer sets at reasonable prices (about $40 a book)
  • First installment includes:
    • “Six Days” by Kelli Owen (me, me, ME!)
    • “A Gathering of Crows” by Brian Keene (includes bonus material not included in paperback)
    • “The Rising: Deliverance” by Brian Keene, which includes a short story by Kelli Owen (me, me, ME!) at the end. The short story is set in Keene’s zombie universe. No one has ever been invited/allowed to do that! That’s gotta tell you something…
    • Direct orders (by 10.31.10) will also include a limited edition chapbook which includes a story from Kelli Owen (me, me, ME!) and Brian Keene.
  • Fine print reads:
    • Orders taken by 10.3.10 will have their names included on a special acknowledgments page
    • Orders taken by 10.6.10 will be entered into a contest to have their name appear as a character in the aforementioned short story in the zombie universe, written by Kelli Owen (me, me, ME!)

Step Three – be entertaining: Yep, that’s the precursor to everything that comes after this sentence. For the next six days. That’s as close as anyone will get to an apology, fine print, asterisked comments, etc. I am not just going to pimp my book, I’m going to play with it. I jump in puddles and blow bubbles, I carry sidewalk chalk and crayons with me everywhere… did you really expect anything less?!

Step Four – Explain why they should buy the book, rather than assuming everyone will just throw their money away willy nilly simply because there’s yet another book available: Peshaw! There’s always books. There’s not always money, and this isn’t some $6.99 paperback. The economy sucks! So why should you do this? Well… depending on who you are, there will be more reasons in the following days (countdown!!), but as a general-all-purpose-bat-my-eyelashes-reason I offer you this:

  • 4 books, 6 stories—3 from Kelli Owen (me, me, ME!) and 3 from Brian Keene
  • Brian Keene IS a commodity (shhh, don’t tell him I said that!) His works have consistently increased in value over the years, and are sought after and treasured by collectors. These particular gems include exclusive material and/or the zombies his fans have been crying for for years. And yes, should you be an Ebay entrepreneur, his em dashes and semi-colons are worth money… and well, remember what I said about the economy…?
  • Kelli Owen (me, me, ME!) fully plans on kicking ass, taking names, ruling New York and possibly world domination. This is my first novel. In five years it will be worth way more than you’re paying for it now. In ten years, it will put your kid through college! Yes… I just said that. Aren’t I cute?

Step Five – Plan, plot and rub hands together like a mad scientist: Yes, I will be posting for the next six days about this release. No, you will not get bored with it or want to hit me. I will throw friends under buses, I will give things away, I will come with peace offerings and dares, and the whole time all I want you to remember is this…

There’s only ever one first novel. This is mine. I’d like to share it with you. If you like horror and/or thrillers, you’ll like it. If you’re a collector, this set is a wet dream. And if you’ve got $125 in a cookie jar somewhere, well, I have an idea where you can spend it…

“Six Days”… coming in six days!

(oh come on! you KNEW I was gonna play with that title… look at the image for pete’s sake!! And speaking of the image, here’s the first of several props to come for the AMAZING artist I was lucky enough to have for my cover—Russ Dickerson! *applause!!*)

ps: see the retweet & f-share over there –> click them! retweet this! share with friends, family and enemies!!

0 Responses to Six Days: How to pimp your soul

  • wolfnoma says:

    Oh, I have had my pennies squirreled away for this release for quite some time. LITTERALLY! I have mason jars filled to the explosion point that I am going to send to Paul! I also plan on staying up late, drinking lots of illegal hooch as well as smoking cigars from an embargoed country just to celebrate the release of these amazing tomes of joy, blood, laughter and gore!

    GO YOU!


    (Now if you only had some really cool emoticons like a guy carrying a gypsy flage or something. I would put that right here!)

Thoughts? Tell me what you think...

Find Me Elsewhere
Behind the Scenes
Get Blog Updates

— · Merrimack Valley · —
Halloween Book Festival
TBA 2020
Haverhill, MA

— · Scares That Care WI · —
Racine, WI