Suck my WHAT?

Yeah yeah, I know it’s Monday. But I don’t have a pithy anything for this week. Between #LS deadline and promising myself not to have any more nervous breakdowns online (with apologies to all those that have had to experience that freaking joy), I’m sharing this instead. It’s more of a Thursday question post, but I don’t care…

The radio station I listen to on the commute to work has dual purpose. First, it plays the music I prefer 99.9% of the time. Second, the DJs are insane and I adore them for it… and often bring home stories they’ve shared (i.e. the old man stuck to the shower chair that some of you were told about).

Saturday’s amazingly awful story turned into a comedy routine when the Hippie was asked to imagine the scenario with a handful of our shared friends. But I’ve gotten ahead of myself… First the story:

Two male friends were in the Australian outback on vacation. One dropped his drawers to relieve his bladder… and was promptly bit on the ball sack by a poisonous snake. *waits for the boys to stop wincing* His friend refused to suck the poison out…*

When I shared this, the Hippie entertained the hell out of me while I tossed different friends at him and he tried to imagine not just the outcome of “would you suck out the poison?”, but the conversation that would go with it. Which turned into giggling hysterically over the game of choosing two other friends to be in the situation (“ok, ok…. Tomo and Coop?”) and deciding whether the bitee was going to live or die because the other would or wouldn’t suck the poison out, and the exchange of words and reactions that would take place.

When the giggling finally died down, he asked me to answer. And that turned into a surreal conversation filled with more tears of laughter. At one point we wondered if it was better or worse that as a female there were still people I wouldn’t save simply because of where the poison that needed sucking was located. So it’s not a male-only kinda question, girls, and you can answer too!

You and a friend are in the Australian outback when this happens. Help, hospitals, etc., are too far away to help…

  1. If you’re bit, do you ask them to suck the poison out?
  2. If they’re bit, do you suck it out when they ask?
  3. If they’re bit, do you suggest it if they can’t bring themself to asking you to do so?

Run this scenario through your head with several friends. Start with your nearest and dearest and work your way out from there. Be the bitee and the suckee. Try to keep a straight face…

Answer on here if you want (I’ll never say no to free entertainment), or just giggle your way through Monday humdrum at work, while you walk past people at the office and imagine them in this situation. You may love and adore and be willing to “take a bullet” for ______, but are you willing to suck poison out of their balls?

*end of radio story: after much arguing about it, the guy tossed the snake-bit buddy into the truck and hauled ass to the nearest hospital (a bazillion miles away). They made it “just” in time and the guy lived… with one helluva vacation story.

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