Conversations with My Coffee Pot

Good Morning, Mr. Coffee!

“What do you want?”

Are you hungry? I’m thirsty…


Here you go… grounds, water, happiness!


*humming while patiently awaiting those lovely early morning sounds*

Hey! BREW!


Because you’re not that old, and you worked yesterday, and what the heck is your problem?!!!

“What’s the point.”


“Make me.”

What the heck… *inspect cord, plug, filter, etc.*

“Leave me alone.”

But… but…


And off to WalMart I went at 5am to get a new coffee pot. Same brand, same color, thank god for the invention of 24/7 convenience…

“Hey… what’s that?”

Your replacement… bastard.

“But… *drip*”

Too late, fucker.

“Fine.” *odd, electronic ‘pop’ sound as the cord is pulled from the wall*

*plug in shiny, new best friend*

“Helloooooooo! And thank you for taking me out of that box. Would you like some coffee?”


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— · Scares that Care · —
August 2-4, 2019
Williamsburg, VA

— · Killer Con · —
August 16-18, 2019
Round Rock, TX

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August 30-Sept 1, 2019
Gettysburg, PA

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October 5, 2019
Johnstown, PA

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Halloween Book Festival
October 12, 2019
Haverhill, MA