The root of insanity

I’m generally the “I’ll bail ya out if you need me” friend. I’m used to being there when they need to scream or cry or vent, or if they just want to pass the time.  I’m not in the habit of being on the other side of that equation, but in the last three craptacular weeks, I have been. And I’ve learned that friends are essential, to every day life as well as those brinks of sanity moments. Quite frankly, I’m surprised a few of them are still answering their phones, and thank them for that. But they needed a break from the boiling over stress of my world, so this past weekend, the family got to take me for a spin through a reality check. And even the best doctors couldn’t have prescribed a more perfect temporary cure.

Family is amazing. And when I say family, I mean all of it, but for the purpose of this post I’m referring to immediate: parents and siblings. Family has the ability to make you laugh when you don’t want to, distract you without trying, and know when to back off because they’re making it worse. They really can be a cherry on the top of a stress-relief sundae.

I was raised by people that believed you should have morals and ethics and an open mind. I was raised to love family: its values, its history and its trinkets. They may not always agree with what we’re doing, but they’ll support us. And when they do agree—or god forbid, are proud of us—that support becomes a force of its own.  They’re like a marriage without the paperwork: through sickness and health, richer and poorer, and for better or worse. I love my family and you should all go hug your mom, or at least call her and tell her you love her–and then your father and your siblings. Because you should, damn it.

As Coop would say, “your mileage may vary.” You may not like your family but you should at least appreciate it. It’s easy for me, as my particular family is insane. No, I mean that. They’re flipping nuts. Of course, that just makes me normal in their presence, since normal is relative and all that jazz. And just to show you how insane they are [and thus explain sooooo much about myself in the process without actually saying anything], I offer you the family weekend as it hit the page [because they do not listen, no matter how many times I tell them, that much like the Miranda warns, what they say can and will be used]… The con-style family notebook for this weekend: [and not one bit of this is from my mouth!]

“My God, I’m going to get so fat eating this. How did you not gain weight when you quit smoking?”
“You quit smoking?”
“No.”

“I love any flavor of head.”  [and yes, just like a con notebook, that is sooooo out of context it will never make sense to any of you!]

“And the tail isn’t broken!”

“We’re all fine here now.”

Looking at old photo albums from the 70s:
“Oh my god, mom. Why in the hell did you hate us so much?!”
“You dressed yourselves.”
“But you bought the clothes!”

I want you should eat, or ‘the importance of the dessert cart.’

“It’s ok mom. I’m alive. And the longer I’m alive, the more I hate people.”

I’ve buffed my love, but I’ve never shined my love.

“The bartender is HOT but won’t ask me out. I’m going to develop a drinking problem before he figures it out!!”

He gave me chocolate and a condom, but didn’t ask me out!

The feeb count… [I’m not weird. I come by this naturally!]

The sign of the sandhill crane

“I don’t know why you’re surprised… Zach wouldn’t even swallow the chewy lemonhead.”

Shit ya, bitches be calling

“Slash their tires, I want an adventure”

“Do it! Do it! I’ll bail you out…”

I’m not gay, I’m not straight either…

Crazy, drunk Eric

Dying your eyeballs

And finally—listening to my siblings give each other dating tips is like watching the blind suit up to swim with sharks… and they know it! A flow chart was requested.

Obviously, it was a good weekend. We laughed, we cried, we played Magic, and we watched Monty Python. Instead of church we had Bloody Marys [I tried to explain that she’d never find a man with this plan, but sometimes you just don’t argue with the sister]. And above all, I slept. For the first time in three weeks, I slept the sleep of the dead. They help you laugh, they pick you up when you’re down, and they make your stress melt away long enough to provide a good night’s sleep.

Go hug your mom!

Addendum: And then the mom emails me to say, “Hey, you forgot ‘Rum is not a school supply’.”  Yeah… if you haven’t hugged/called your mom yet, stop reading this and go do it!!

0 Responses to The root of insanity

  • Joseph Mulak says:

    I can’t hug my mom since she lives two provinces away from me. But, I promise I will call her and tell her I love her later today. Thanks for the reminder of the importance of friends and family. I forget this often because I don’t have many of either. Especially where I live. I mean, I haven’t even spoken to my brother in over a year…I should call him too. I really needed this wake up call to remind me just how important my family is to me.

    Again, thank you.

  • Meteornotes says:

    This reminds me, I really need to start writing down all the random insane stuff my mom comes up with. I can recall a few of them like “I don’t like Tom Brady’s teeth” and “what’s the name of that TV show with that guy I hate?”, but they really all need to be documented.

  • The Mom says:

    Funny, but true. And the crazy part is we are doing it again next weekend. Love ya

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