Vuja Duh

“Everything’s working out perfectly. The guys are at the swimming hole, and I’m home with a tooth ache. Nothing could possibly go wrong.”
~ Alfalfa “Little Rascals”

I’m a tooth grinder when I sleep. Always have been. Not that I always do, every night, but that I have, on occasion, since I was a child. I blame my mother, who also grinds her teeth. When I’m stressed or sick, I grind a little. When I’m really stressed, I grind like I’m digging for gold. And considering what those within hearing distance have said, I’m stunned I don’t wake myself up doing it.

The past several months have been a “touch” stressful, and therefore I’ve been a bit on the grinding side (not pun intended). But lately, oh joy, my body has found the nocturnal desire to up the stress-induced self-abuse. Yay #taxseason!

Since Saturday, I’ve been in excruciating pain. Not the normal “oh hey, my jaw is sore this morning I must have been grinding” crap that usually goes away by noon. No, this was a special kind of pain. The kind you wish on others. The kind that makes you compare it to childbirth, and childbirth is preferable. And I also noticed, I’m not just grinding, but clamping down so tightly that I’m waking myself up. Hmmm… cue the dentist.

So apparently—one appointment, one x-ray and one befuddled “hmmm” from the dentist later—I’ve done the equivalent of a herniated disc… to my jaw hinge! Not TMJ but just damage to the TM joint itself, with internal swelling on the nerves that run along my jaw and up to my ear. Awesome. Spectacular. Excuse me? Seriously? How do we fix that? Oh well, we don’t. Again, yay. Pain management and a sexy mouth guard while I’m sleeping and giving it time to heal. And before my “friends” start with the “you talk too much and broke your jaw” comments, no, talking actually helps it. It’s the clamping down and biting my tongue and not talking that has caused this. ohhhh I can blame mom, taxes AND my new-found edit button!

But I digress. It’s Thursday. We should turn this around to be all about YOU now, right? Yes! Soooo… in the realm of completely stupid self-injuries, what have you done? This isn’t even my normal 12-year-old habit of hurting myself in idiotic ways (i.e. tripping on grass, paper cuts with non-paper items, finding a way to hurt myself in a padded room). No, this is special. Now, that aside, you may not be a 12-year-old hiding in an adult body and hurt yourself on a regular basis like I do. Or you might. Regardless, you may choose one of those instances if it fits. What’s the lamest self-induced pain you’ve ever given yourself?

Come on… make me feel better about this while I wait for the pain meds to actually work. Tell me a story. Tell me a funny story that makes me giggle. Or a painful story that makes me wince. But tell me something. Join the stupid injury club—we have cookies!

 

18 Responses to Vuja Duh

  • Alyn Day says:

    Oh, this one was made for me! I actually have two stories to tell…

    When I was 6 or 7, I had this AWESOME set of Batgirl PJs, complete with cape. I wore them EVERYWHERE (but to sleep, of course… I slept in a Moon Dreamers night shirt or one of my mother’s scrub tops)… so somehow I got it into my brilliant little head that said Batgirl PJs embued me with magical powers of flight… to prove this, did I do something smart(er) like try taking off from the ground? Nope! I grabbed a few balloons and DOVE from my parents third story window and fell – SMACK! – into the concrete walkway below. I got a lovely compound fracture as a result, and still have the scar to this day… nothing like staring at your own bones to make you feel like a Darwin Awards candidate…

    A few years later, when I was 9 or so, I got my hands on an old mountain bike, given to me by one of our neighbors, who was going to throw it out. And really, it should have been thrown out. There was no seat on the thing, my brother and I rigged one out of stuff we had lying around, and the handlebars were smooth and bare of hand guards… plus my little 9 year old frame was BARELY large enough to control the bike and keep from falling over… I had big problems trying to pedal AND brake at the same time… my hands kept slipping off the bars at the worst possible moment. So what did I do? Genius that I was, I enlisted my kid brother’s help in DUCT TAPING MY HANDS TO THE HANDLE BARS! Genius! I then proceeded to rocket down a hill as fast as I could. About halfway down I chickend out and hit the brakes. The wheels locked, and I, taped quite securely to the bike, went end over end down the rest of the hill. I ended up with a dislocated collar bone, a broken wrist, a broken ankle, two bruised ribs, cuts and scrapes, and a very terrified and eventually pissed off mother…

    Hope my stupidity brightened your day!

    Feel better, Kelli! Can’t wait for my copy of Black Bubbles!

  • Alyn Day says:

    Oh, this one was made for me! I actually have two stories to tell…

    When I was 6 or 7, I had this AWESOME set of Batgirl PJs, complete with cape. I wore them EVERYWHERE (but to sleep, of course… I slept in a Moon Dreamers night shirt or one of my mother’s scrub tops)… so somehow I got it into my brilliant little head that said Batgirl PJs embued me with magical powers of flight… to prove this, did I do something smart(er) like try taking off from the ground? Nope! I grabbed a few balloons and DOVE from my parents third story window and fell – SMACK! – into the concrete walkway below. I got a lovely compound fracture as a result, and still have the scar to this day… nothing like staring at your own bones to make you feel like a Darwin Awards candidate…

    A few years later, when I was 9 or so, I got my hands on an old mountain bike, given to me by one of our neighbors, who was going to throw it out. And really, it should have been thrown out. There was no seat on the thing, my brother and I rigged one out of stuff we had lying around, and the handlebars were smooth and bare of hand guards… plus my little 9 year old frame was BARELY large enough to control the bike and keep from falling over… I had big problems trying to pedal AND brake at the same time… my hands kept slipping off the bars at the worst possible moment. So what did I do? Genius that I was, I enlisted my kid brother’s help in DUCT TAPING MY HANDS TO THE HANDLE BARS! Genius! I then proceeded to rocket down a hill as fast as I could. About halfway down I chickend out and hit the brakes. The wheels locked, and I, taped quite securely to the bike, went end over end down the rest of the hill. I ended up with a dislocated collar bone, a broken wrist, a broken ankle, two bruised ribs, cuts and scrapes, and a very terrified and eventually pissed off mother…

    Hope my stupidity brightened your day!

    Feel better, Kelli! Can’t wait for my copy of Black Bubbles!

  • Lu says:

    You know I’ve done this. Broke one of my wisdom teeth in half and still didn’t wake up. And the mouthguard doesn’t stay in unless you duct tape your mouth shut. (I know I’m not the first to suggest that). So take this word of wisdom. Valium. Lots of it. You can’t grind if you can’t move. :-) Do Not Attempt if you also have sleep apnea.
    Good luck.

  • Lu says:

    You know I’ve done this. Broke one of my wisdom teeth in half and still didn’t wake up. And the mouthguard doesn’t stay in unless you duct tape your mouth shut. (I know I’m not the first to suggest that). So take this word of wisdom. Valium. Lots of it. You can’t grind if you can’t move. :-) Do Not Attempt if you also have sleep apnea.
    Good luck.

  • Scott says:

    Well, it starts off with rushing through the house and running into a chair leg breaking a toe. Not pleasant, but it happens. Three weeks later, my wife bought me a Nintendo Wii for Christmas and I’m showing it off the her uncle. While playing its little tennis game, I get too into it and roll over my foot while serving (going through real motions instead of wisely just raising and lowering the controller). I hear an audible click and drop to the floor in pain because I’ve just screwed up the same damn toe! …playing a video game no less…

    About halfway through Black Bubbles now- Damn girl, you can write! Divorcing the Dead, Shadow of Skepticism (made my skin crawl) and Tin Box being my favorites so far…

  • Scott says:

    Well, it starts off with rushing through the house and running into a chair leg breaking a toe. Not pleasant, but it happens. Three weeks later, my wife bought me a Nintendo Wii for Christmas and I’m showing it off the her uncle. While playing its little tennis game, I get too into it and roll over my foot while serving (going through real motions instead of wisely just raising and lowering the controller). I hear an audible click and drop to the floor in pain because I’ve just screwed up the same damn toe! …playing a video game no less…

    About halfway through Black Bubbles now- Damn girl, you can write! Divorcing the Dead, Shadow of Skepticism (made my skin crawl) and Tin Box being my favorites so far…

  • Kelli says:

    OUCH!!! stop beating up your toe…

    and glad you’re enjoying it so far… Tin Box has ALWAYS been one of my favorites =)

  • Kelli says:

    OUCH!!! stop beating up your toe…

    and glad you’re enjoying it so far… Tin Box has ALWAYS been one of my favorites =)

  • Emily says:

    Most recent injury: Was standing in a doorway talking to my significant other. He went to shut the door and all of a sudden, I was screaming every profanity known to man. Stupid me had my fingers in the door jam and he, not knowing this, shut the door on them. My left ring finger was badly bruised, as well as my left middle finger, and half of the middle finger’s nail is still in the process of falling off! that hurt like a ^&&(*&%#$%^&*!!!!!!!!

    Moral of story: DON’T HAVE YOUR HAND RESTING BETWEEN A DOOR AND THE JAM! DUHHHHHH!!! :D

    CAN’T WAIT TO START BB! ALMOST DONE WITH ANOTHER READ!

  • Emily says:

    Most recent injury: Was standing in a doorway talking to my significant other. He went to shut the door and all of a sudden, I was screaming every profanity known to man. Stupid me had my fingers in the door jam and he, not knowing this, shut the door on them. My left ring finger was badly bruised, as well as my left middle finger, and half of the middle finger’s nail is still in the process of falling off! that hurt like a ^&&(*&%#$%^&*!!!!!!!!

    Moral of story: DON’T HAVE YOUR HAND RESTING BETWEEN A DOOR AND THE JAM! DUHHHHHH!!! :D

    CAN’T WAIT TO START BB! ALMOST DONE WITH ANOTHER READ!

  • Emily says:

    why does my little picture thing look like a Christman tree from a Dr. Suess book?

  • Emily says:

    why does my little picture thing look like a Christman tree from a Dr. Suess book?

  • Emily says:

    shit *Christmas

  • Emily says:

    shit *Christmas

  • MichelleR says:

    Ouch, well, by now you’ve either had some relief or are completely insane. Of course, I realized I was grinding my teeth as I read this — nothing at all personal :) — and it made me stop.

  • MichelleR says:

    Ouch, well, by now you’ve either had some relief or are completely insane. Of course, I realized I was grinding my teeth as I read this — nothing at all personal :) — and it made me stop.

  • Kelli says:

    … this blog entry officially moved to the new site. to leave further comments, please do it there:http://kelliowen.com/?p=378

  • Kelli says:

    … this blog entry officially moved to the new site. to leave further comments, please do it there:http://kelliowen.com/?p=378

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